Merry Christmas!!

Wow, what a week this has been.

It has generally been a good week, except for today. Today kinda sucks.
We had our 'family' Christmas on Wednesday. It was the only day this week
that we could all get together. I was very happy that my son was able to make
it home. He left yesterday, as he had to work today. I feel bad for him, having
to work on Christmas, but that is part of working in a hospital. Hopefully he should
be off for the holiday next year. The youngest daughter is with her husband and
children, doing things with his family today. The other one, she and her kids are
doing things with the current boyfriend and his family.

So, that leaves nothing for today. Big meal with the family, opening presents, etc, etc,
all done already. So, now what?? Never had a Christmas day without my family here.
Well, hubby is here, but it's just Not the same. I don't like this at all!!!

He brought up the idea of going to a movie, but in this little hick town, the theater is
closed today. Took a ride around town just for the hell of it, and even the Chinese
joint is closed! It's a good thing we didn't plan on that for dinner.

I think I did well fixing my plate at xmas dinner. Hubby wanted turkey AND ham.
And of course, all of the other things that go with that. But, I only had ONE small
plate. A little bit of a few things. Didn't try everything. There was not stacking, piles,
layering or anything else going on on my plate. And, NO second helpings! Very happy
about that.

Making pea soup with ham, and turkey soup today. I just want all of the left-overs
gone. Tried sending as much stuff home with the kids as I could. We will be having
one of the soups in a little bit for dinner tonight, and some of the other one tomorrow.
The rest of whats left is going into the freezer. Will look forward to warm soup on the
long, cold winter days and nights that are coming soon.

Peeked at the scale today. Not very happy at all. I blame the fact that I didn't make
it to the gym much this week, and the eggnog I shared with my son. I believe that was
my downfall this week, that damn eggnog. And I'm sooo pissed about it because I don't
have the mindset yet to not do these stupid things. I didn't even think about what I was
doing at the time. I just drank it, like we always do. And then a little while later, that
little lite bulb went off in my head, and the voice said 'what the hell did you just do'?!?!
OMG!! Chugged water the rest of the evening after that, but still , the damage was done,
and I am Still pissed about it. Really need to work on being more mindful of what I
consume.

Still drinking lots of water. Still peeing like crazy. Just once, I would like to sleep through
the night, without having to get up to pee!

Hope everyone is having a great holiday with family and friends.
(Put the fork down!!)

Hope Santa was good to everyone!

~AL~

Moving On

Not a whole lot new going on to report.

Getting ready for the Christmas holiday. Been kinda busy with that.

I think I have joined a 'challenge'. I also think I received a badge for it in my e-mail, but I'm not sure how to get it from there to here. Still somewhat challenged with this whole blog set-up thing.

Have been on the fence about this 'challenge' for some time now, always chickening out about joining. Then I would decide to do it, and miss the deadline for entering. Then, I was given another chance, and jumped at it.

Why am I doing this now?? I suck, my life sucks, my blog sucks, and my weight loss efforts Really suck. I need help. And if there is only one thing on this list that can be fixed, I'll take it! I am hoping that will lead to the rest of the things getting better. I feel a more positive attitude these last few days. Still waiting to get some info as to what I should and shouldn't be doing though.

Still getting to the gym at least five days a week. Yay!! Had a training session again today. Feeling good from that as well. Kinda bummed though, found out that next week is my last work out with my trainer. Boy, those 12 weeks sure went by fast. He did mention maybe throwing in a free session after the holidays, just to check up on me. Yeah, I need that! And I will still be going to the gym every week after that, just as I do now. I am not making much progress at this, but I know that I would make none at all, or even back-slide the other way if I didn't go or even keep trying.

I am not a quitter! I won't give up!!

In case I don't get back at ya'll later this week, Happy Holidays to everyone!!

~AL~

ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!

So, unless you have been in a cave or a comma for the last two days, I'm sure you have all heard about the tragic hostage situation/shooting at the high school in Marinette, WI.

This is where I live. Usually a quite town, about an hour north of Green Bay. On the border of Upper Michigan. On the shore of beautiful Lake Michigan.

Yes, what happened was very tragic. No, it did not effect me personally at the time. It did effect a lot of my friends and neighbors, and their families.

The story has been on Good Morning America (and I'm sure all of the other morning shows), CNN, and even Inside Edition. I am also aware of an article in the New York Times. Like I said, Everyone must know about it.

What really pissed me off today, Two Days after the incident, while on my way to the gym this morning, I passed two mobile news crews. It's only about a mile and a half drive from my house to the gym. But, SERIOUSLY!!! Why are you all still here?!?!?!

Yes, it happened Monday. Yes, school was closed on Tuesday. NO, you don't need to still be here today, on Wednesday!!

You don't need to get the reactions from the children as they go back "for the first day after this horribly tragic event"!!

What you do need to do is get the fuck out of our town!!

Our community and mainly our children need to be allowed to move on from this. We need to put this behind us, so that the healing process can begin. We can't do that as long as you are all still here dragging it up!

Please, just go away!!

We need our own people of the community to be able to grieve, and heal and move on. We can't do that with all of the cameras on us, sending this all over the U.S.

We will do this for ourselves, with each other.

For the sake of our children, please go away and leave us alone!!!!!

Been.....Lost

So I've been a little lost for the last few weeks. Well, maybe not a little. More like A LOT. In the process of finding my way back, to everything.

First things first. Unfortunately, still no movement on the scale. Guess I should be happy that at least it hasn't moved up, but that's just not good enough. It needs to be going down.

Next, my daughter had her baby. A perfect, beautiful little girl. For those of you that are my "friends" on facebook, you can pop over to my page to see the pics of her that I put up there. I wont put any on here, because it just doesn't seem right to expose her to everyone in the world, basically, who can get to this. Seems kinda creepy. I also had my almost three year old grandson over for five days and nights while she was in the hospital, and then getting settled at home. Wow, what a handful he was. lol. He has always been at my house a lot, and has spent the night here, but I have never had him for that long, all by myself. It has been twenty years since I had a little one like that for that much time all at once. I really enjoyed having him here. Sure kept me on my toes. Was sad when he left, but yet really needed a break, and enjoyed the peace and quite after he left.

Have written many posts in the last couple of weeks. Have deleted all of them. Just can't seem to get out how I really feel. Been seeing the doctor many times in the last couple weeks also. I have decided not to go into detail here. Don't want pity or any thing else from anybody. Let's just say that they found that I have a condition. Been put on very strong meds. Had my dosages upped again yesterday. Will keep getting checked to monitor the progress, or lack of. Not sure which would be better at this point. The side effects of the meds are really kicking my ass. Have already been warned that the new meds for next week are gonna be pretty wicked also. I have been informed that one of the major side effects of the new one is weight gain. Oh, goody! Just what I need. Especially now! Nurse told me I "should just roll with it". I don't fucking think so!! Talked to the doc about that. He says I can continue my work outs, and doing what I'm doing. How ever, after our little talk, we (I) decided that that isn't good enough. Starting yesterday, I have pretty much doubled my routine at the gym. I have decided to get as healthy as I can to fight off this disease as best that I can. For as long as I can. I can't keep feeling sorry for myself, which I am pretty sure I have been doing lately. Thinking that's why I have been so off track and just lost. Really threw me for a loop though.

Also, I am drinking about a gallon of water everyday. I read (thank you Allen) that this will help. Consuming LOTS of liquid seems to be a large factor in all of this. I don't count the glass of milk that I have every morning, any diet soda that I occasionally have, or any liquid in any food that I eat toward that. That is simply a whole gallon (if not more) of plain water everyday. Plus, I am still weighing and measuring and counting EVERYTHING that I eat. I am trying very hard to stay positive and focused at this point. Crossing fingers and praying that this works. Feel like I have been peeing enough for ten people at this point. Hopefully I will start to feel better soon. Or at the very least, not feel any worse.

I think I am going to post this one now. Still doesn't feel 'right', but it seems better than the other ones that I have deleted so far.

Hope everyone is doing well.

~AL~

I HAVE Questions.....I DON'T HAVE Answers

Yesterday was weigh day.
Lost one lb this week.
Finally got to move my ticker again.
Almost forgot how, it's been so long.

I have been going to a nutritionist once a week for over a month now. She has been having me track everything I eat. Between her and my trainer, and me, of course, we cannot figure out why I have not been losing any weight. For the food I eat and the work outs I do, they even think I should have been losing some weight by now. And let me say, I have written down EVERYthing that goes into my mouth. A couple of weeks ago when I was sick, I even wrote down the cough drops I had. I wrote down the sugar free gum I chewed. I honestly write down everything. When she says "eat this and don't eat that" that's exactly what I do. And then I weigh and measure everything that I do eat. She says that part of my new lifestyle is right on track. So I was sent for blood work two weeks ago, to see if there was perhaps some underlying condition for my non-existent progress. So far they have found nothing. I have to go back again next week for more extensive testing. Oh, goody!

How-ever, this week is the last time that I get to meet with the nutritionist. For now, anyway. Her position at the clinic is only part time, and she took a full time job somewhere else. So far, they have not found a replacement for her. They said they would call to let me know when they have a new person, so I can resume my sessions. But in the meantime, I have no one. Kinda upset and worried about that.

I have checked around at other places to see if one is available. They do have some at other clinics, but then I would have to pay for it. (not in my budget at this time--between the gym membership and the trainer, things are getting kinda tight right now.) She was free for me at the clinic I go to through my dr setting it up for me. They have one at the local Y, but you have to be a member there for that. I chose the gym instead of the Y for many reasons. (not going to get into those now) Guess I will patiently wait for her to be replaced......

The good news is that both the trainer and the nutritionist think that I only need to lose about fifty lbs, not the seventy-five I was looking at. But I think I would still like to see the higher number. If I can ever get the scale to move, that is. Guess I'm not as fat as I thought I was. But still......

Having mixed thoughts about the next round of testing. Would be nice to know that there is something holding up my progress, but yet it would really suck to find out that there is something wrong with me. Not really liking this line of thinking.

Still not giving up. Meeting with the trainer again tomorrow. Can't wait for him to kick my ass. I been kickin me own ass all week. I really love my new work outs. I feel amazing! I look forward to going to the gym! How crazy is that?!

And still no new baby yet. Getting kinda tired of waiting. Should be soon though. I can't wait!

Have a good night, all.

~AL~

Been Very Busy!!!

Oh, my. I've been so very busy this past week.

Got to meet with my new trainer last week. Had an amazing workout. In fact, got my ass kicked by him again today! What an awesome workout. I'm lovin' it!! Have another appointment for next week as well. I can't wait! I am so excited! And now I know other things I can work on, on the days that I go by myself.

Weigh day still sucked this week. No movement at all on the scale, again!

Been really busy the past week with my youngest daughter. She is pregnant, and due on Halloween. Went to the doctor on Monday, and he says "any day now". So, I've been put on alert. Her husband works all kinds of goofy hours, so I will probably be the one she calls when "it's time". Plus, I will be taking care of her 2 1/2 year old while she is in the hospital. She has really been making me crazy lately. I think she is somewhat of a hypochondriac. We have been to the hospital twice in the last week, and as many times to the doctor. She also calls the clinic all the time. She is so worried that something will go wrong, she is just making herself sick with worry at this point. In fact, she just called me a little while ago, (at midnight! that's why I am up now, so I thought I would do this). I will be sooo glad when that child is here, and all of this is over. She has become my new shadow. She is afraid to be alone. The only time I get to myself is in the shower, or at the gym. Otherwise, she is always here. She comes over in the morning and sometimes, depending on her hubbies schedule, she doesn't go home. Oh, I'm Really needing a break!

I should get going now. It's almost one a.m. Need to get some rest before I get another phone call. Just wanted to do a weigh day update. Hopefully next time I will have a number to put on it.

~AL~

Just For The Record.....

I really want to clear the air and set the record straight about something that has been bothering me for about two weeks now.

I came across a blog recently that I totally enjoy reading. In fact, he is on the top of my list for the ones I check most frequently, and always keep reading. I don't like to mention names on here, but I'm not sure I can ease my mind without saying his name. I try to come up with the right words to convey exactly what I want to say, without offending any one. Because that is the Last thing I would want to do. This is NOT about offending or "calling out" this person, or anybody else.

I guess I just really feel the need to explain the name of my blog. I, by no means, am not trying to copy anyone, or be like anyone else. The day I decided to stop being a chicken, and finally start me own blog, I felt like it was do or die. If I didn't do it right when I decided to, I knew I wouldn't do it at all. I had a name all picked out, and started to set it up. Then I find out that the name I wanted was already being used. I must have tried over a dozen different ones, and all were already taken. I was getting frustrated because I just wanted to get started on here. So, I finally decided to go with a nick-name that people who know me call me. But, that is because those are actually my initials. For those of you that know me, you know that. For those of you who are reading this, and don't know me, now you know it too. AL stands for the initials of my first and last name.

I realize this has gotten entirely to wordy, but that's just me. I want to get my point across. I know that I am not anybody special or important out there in blog-land. I know that this person has seen my blog, and may or may not ever see it again. Either way is fine with me. I just wanted to set the record straight. I would rather have this person "have my back" then to be "called out" for a misunderstanding.

O k. I feel a little better now.
Thanks for listening.

~AL~

P.S.
If I knew how to change the name, I would. I can't figure that out, without starting a whole new one, and I'm not gonna do that. If I ever figure out if it is possible, then I will do it. I have never really like the name anyway.