Been.....Lost

So I've been a little lost for the last few weeks. Well, maybe not a little. More like A LOT. In the process of finding my way back, to everything.

First things first. Unfortunately, still no movement on the scale. Guess I should be happy that at least it hasn't moved up, but that's just not good enough. It needs to be going down.

Next, my daughter had her baby. A perfect, beautiful little girl. For those of you that are my "friends" on facebook, you can pop over to my page to see the pics of her that I put up there. I wont put any on here, because it just doesn't seem right to expose her to everyone in the world, basically, who can get to this. Seems kinda creepy. I also had my almost three year old grandson over for five days and nights while she was in the hospital, and then getting settled at home. Wow, what a handful he was. lol. He has always been at my house a lot, and has spent the night here, but I have never had him for that long, all by myself. It has been twenty years since I had a little one like that for that much time all at once. I really enjoyed having him here. Sure kept me on my toes. Was sad when he left, but yet really needed a break, and enjoyed the peace and quite after he left.

Have written many posts in the last couple of weeks. Have deleted all of them. Just can't seem to get out how I really feel. Been seeing the doctor many times in the last couple weeks also. I have decided not to go into detail here. Don't want pity or any thing else from anybody. Let's just say that they found that I have a condition. Been put on very strong meds. Had my dosages upped again yesterday. Will keep getting checked to monitor the progress, or lack of. Not sure which would be better at this point. The side effects of the meds are really kicking my ass. Have already been warned that the new meds for next week are gonna be pretty wicked also. I have been informed that one of the major side effects of the new one is weight gain. Oh, goody! Just what I need. Especially now! Nurse told me I "should just roll with it". I don't fucking think so!! Talked to the doc about that. He says I can continue my work outs, and doing what I'm doing. How ever, after our little talk, we (I) decided that that isn't good enough. Starting yesterday, I have pretty much doubled my routine at the gym. I have decided to get as healthy as I can to fight off this disease as best that I can. For as long as I can. I can't keep feeling sorry for myself, which I am pretty sure I have been doing lately. Thinking that's why I have been so off track and just lost. Really threw me for a loop though.

Also, I am drinking about a gallon of water everyday. I read (thank you Allen) that this will help. Consuming LOTS of liquid seems to be a large factor in all of this. I don't count the glass of milk that I have every morning, any diet soda that I occasionally have, or any liquid in any food that I eat toward that. That is simply a whole gallon (if not more) of plain water everyday. Plus, I am still weighing and measuring and counting EVERYTHING that I eat. I am trying very hard to stay positive and focused at this point. Crossing fingers and praying that this works. Feel like I have been peeing enough for ten people at this point. Hopefully I will start to feel better soon. Or at the very least, not feel any worse.

I think I am going to post this one now. Still doesn't feel 'right', but it seems better than the other ones that I have deleted so far.

Hope everyone is doing well.

~AL~