Feeling Tired ...Of EVERYTHING

Today was weigh day. I knew it was gonna come to this, and soon. The scale is not my friend today. No, it doesn't hate me, but we are not friends right now. No loss this week at all. :(
No gain, either. (which I am trying to tell myself is a good thing) Stayed the same.

Did I complain to much about only losing only one lb every week? Maybe. Was it just not enough for me? Could be. Now look what I got. A big fat Zero. Serve me right?? Justice?? Karma??
IDK!

I really am just not feeling this right now. Honestly, I haven't for a while. I do know that I need to be honest with myself, and admit that I am sooo tired of pretending to care. I just can't do it anymore.

The harder I try, the worse I feel. I am Not getting anywhere with this. Beginning to think it's not worth the effort. I do All the right things - everyday. And, no, I do not work out so much that I would be gaining muscle weight at this time. I already tried to use that as an excuse, but even I can't make that one fly. I force myself to drink nothing but water all day long, every day. I feel like a damn camel most of the time. I am truly beginning to hate water, but force myself to drink it anyway. Not to mention everything else I do on a daily basis. Nothing is working.

Am tired of pretending, and trying to fool myself, and anyone else, that I can do this. If I am offending anyone in any way, I'm sorry. I do this for myself, and I need to be completely honest for my own sake. This is really hard. And I'm not stupid. I knew it would be. Guess I'm just not as strong as I need to be, or have enough willpower to make this journey.

Very disappointed in myself, and Not liking myself very much right now.
Not sure how to fix this.
Not even sure I want to try.....

~AL~