Ummm......

Felt the need to write. Although I'm not sure why.
I don't have anything to say. Been in a massive funk
lately.

Lots of crap going on with-in the family. Doesn't
involve me directly, but yet indirectly I get sucked
into all of the crap. Sooo tired of it all. :(

Having some issues with the new "challenge".
Well, that's not a fair statement. My issues
are more with the challengers, than the
challenge itself. Don't get me wrong, I think
it's great that they all want to get together
and help each other out. That's awesome. But
there HAS to be a better way!! Why must Everyone
keep resending Everything that Everyone else ALREADY
sent?!?! WTF?!?! I got over six-hundred emails in the first
two days. It was so overwhelming that I just deleted them
all. And I feel bad about that. So, now they have a forum, just
for us challengers. Super. So I go there, register and sign in.
Now it brings me to another page to sign in. O K. I keep having
to sign in for about twenty minutes, and finally say--fuck this.
I don't have the time to waste on this shit. I thought I would put
the time in, if it would help me. Um, no. I would rather have spent
that time doing more productive things, like exercising.
My schedule is busy. I have a stupid job with crazy hours. Sometimes
I don't even get the chance to get to my email everyday. Sometimes it is
in the middle of the night, if I'm up and I have a minute to check it.
I don't have an office job, where I am able to sit around on here all day.

Maybe I will try again this weekend, if I have the extra time. Idk.

I guess I did have something to write about after all. Hmm.

Have not been feeling very well lately. Actually it's been going
on for a while now. Probably to long. Finally bit the bullet and
made a doctors appointment. Will be going to see him on Monday.
Hopefully things will start to get better after that.

Guess that's about it for now.
Have a great weekend.
Thanks for listening.

~AL~

Update

Just a quick post to update my progress for this week.

One more pound gone. Yay!

Not much else going on here. Been pretty tired the past few days. The weather
here has been so dark and gloomy. Finally starting to warm up a bit. Just got out
of the sub - zero temps, only to find out they are coming back again this weekend.
And with more snow. Ugh! Wishing for spring to come quickly!

Exercise has been on track this week, although I really seem to have to push myself
these last few days. Still having some issues with the food on 'the plan'.

Been having a hard time with everything these last several days. Going to blame it on
the weather for now. Not sure what else it could be. Hope I am not coming down with
something. Desperately in need of some sunshine!!

Hope every one is doing well.

~AL~

Moving Along

Weigh in for this week showed another one lb loss. Got to move / change my ticker for the third week in a row. That feels good. Ok, so maybe it isn't moving at a high rate of speed, but it is finally moving consistently. I would like to thank Allan for that. His leadership is going to get me where I want to be. I just need to try harder to get there sooner like I should be able to do.

I guess I didn't really have a 'real' plan before. I just knew that I needed to eat less and move more. Now I have structure in knowing what I Really need to do.

And I own up to the fact that it is my own fault that I am not doing better. I am having some issues with staying with-in the given food guidelines. I realize where the problems are, and I am working on them. I could very easily blame other people. Like the fact that when hubby gets home (he is an over-the-road truck driver), he likes to have a big, home cooked meal. And, why shouldn't he? He deserves it. He has earned it. He is usually gone for about three weeks at a time and then home for a couple of days, and then gone again. But this is one of the slow times of year. It happens every year, right after the holidays. He has only been gone a few days at a time since Christmas, and is home every weekend so far since then. Should be picking up again soon. Usually around the beginning of February. But, anyway, I have been making what he asks for. I just try to make things more healthy now, and I eat less of those things. I make extra steamed veggies and fill up on more of those. It is much easier to stay on track when he is not here. But, still the choices I make are all mine. I can not blame them on anybody else. What I do or don't do is all my own doing.

On the days that I am not 'exactly on plan', I try to compensate with extra water and extra exercise. I figure--2 outta 3?? Not sure if it works that way, but it certainly can't hurt.

Got kinda side tracked from where I started with this today. Gonna go for now. Gotta clear my head. Maybe try this again tomorrow.

Hope everyone is doing well and able to stay on track. I wish you all the best of luck with what-ever you are doing.

~AL~

A Mixed Up Mess

Woke up this morning to hear the snow plow driving by. Again. They have been calling for 'flurries' everyday and every night for the past week, and for the next week. 'Flurries' don't need to be plowed! We are getting way to much snow. I hate this!

I know that to make this diet/lifestyle change thing work, it is as simple and easy as 'move more, eat less'. I know this. For years I thought that if I had some one to tell me 'eat this - don't eat that', that it would help my over-complicating things brain to be able to do this. Now, thanks to Allan, I have that wonderful person. Why is it that I am still struggling? I am kicking ass in the exercise department. I am at the gym at least five days a week. I jog four miles on the treadmill everyday. I do a weight routine usually three times a week, if not more. And I have been doing Allan's challenge exercises everyday since the challenge started. And the water.....Holy Moly, all I do is pee! Consuming above and beyond the minimum everyday. Feeling really good about all of that. Having some issues, however, with the eating twelve hundred calories. My brain feels hungry All the time. And sometimes so does my stomach. Trying to mix up the list a little bit, to find some thing that will work for me, but yet staying with-in the guidelines. Not a happy camper right now, but not giving in or giving up either.

Lost one more pound this week. Would really like to start seeing some bigger numbers for all of my effort.

Almost said 'happy hump day', but then I realized that it's only Tuesday.
Have a great day anyway.
Going to bundle up now to go snow blow the sidewalk and the driveway, again.
Then heading to the gym. Got a late start today. Didn't sleep well last night. Hopefully things will get better.

Enjoy your day, where-ever you are. :)

~AL~

Feeling Better

Haven't been able to write for a bit, been pretty sick. Got the flu last week Sunday night.
Spent the better part of the next five days in the bathroom. After a while, I just gave up
and laid down on the bathroom floor. It was comin out of both ends simultaneously. I don't
think I have ever been that sick for that long in my life. And I pray it never happens again.

Finally started to feel a little bit better this past weekend. Still kinda queasy and nauseated
though. Had to cancel my appointment last week with the trainer. Got rescheduled for this past Monday, for my last session with him. Had a really good workout. And then we reviewed all of the things that we have been doing for the last twelve weeks. Feeling good about all of that. Went to the gym again yesterday, and today. Getting in some really awesome workouts. Even stopped by the pool on the way home today. Spent about 45 minutes in the big pool swimming laps, walking laps around the pool, and even doing squats and lunges in the water. I just love being in the water. (must have been a fish in a former life??) Then about 15 minutes in the hot tub to help relax. Me and my muscles. Feeling pretty good now.

Been somewhat confused as to how my body is reacting to things lately. I did lose a few lbs last week due to the flu, but as I knew would happen, regained most of it as soon as I started to be able to eat and drink again, and actually keep stuff down. So, I re hydrated. I get that. I was expecting that to happen. What I don't understand is why I am not losing more weight then I am. I have one lb to report for this week, so I will change my ticker when I am done here, if I don't forget. I have been eating less, and moving more. So, why no change?? I know my body is changing. I can now fit into xl clothing. So happy about that. There are NO numbers in front of the xl. That is totally awesome! Something seems to be happening.......just not the scale showing a loss. WTF?!?!

I was doing some blog hopping the other night and ran across this. Not sure where I found it, as I was reading several that are new to me. I almost pee'd my pants from laughing so hard. Some guy left a comment that said, and I quote: " one pound of muscle weighs twice as much as one pound of fat" WOW!!! Seriously?!?! I know it's been a 'few' years since I was in school, but a pound is a pound! It doesn't matter what is being weighed! I have one word for you......DUMBASS!! I will Not be going back to that blog, as the author and her friends (other commenter's) all thanked him for his insights and helpfullness. WTF?!?! I think they are all a bunch of dumbasses!!!

I will just be sticking with the blogs that I have been with. There are way too many idiots out there. Learning that blog land is a dark and scary world, full of stupid people!

Hope everyone is having a good week so far.

~AL~

Merry Christmas!!

Wow, what a week this has been.

It has generally been a good week, except for today. Today kinda sucks.
We had our 'family' Christmas on Wednesday. It was the only day this week
that we could all get together. I was very happy that my son was able to make
it home. He left yesterday, as he had to work today. I feel bad for him, having
to work on Christmas, but that is part of working in a hospital. Hopefully he should
be off for the holiday next year. The youngest daughter is with her husband and
children, doing things with his family today. The other one, she and her kids are
doing things with the current boyfriend and his family.

So, that leaves nothing for today. Big meal with the family, opening presents, etc, etc,
all done already. So, now what?? Never had a Christmas day without my family here.
Well, hubby is here, but it's just Not the same. I don't like this at all!!!

He brought up the idea of going to a movie, but in this little hick town, the theater is
closed today. Took a ride around town just for the hell of it, and even the Chinese
joint is closed! It's a good thing we didn't plan on that for dinner.

I think I did well fixing my plate at xmas dinner. Hubby wanted turkey AND ham.
And of course, all of the other things that go with that. But, I only had ONE small
plate. A little bit of a few things. Didn't try everything. There was not stacking, piles,
layering or anything else going on on my plate. And, NO second helpings! Very happy
about that.

Making pea soup with ham, and turkey soup today. I just want all of the left-overs
gone. Tried sending as much stuff home with the kids as I could. We will be having
one of the soups in a little bit for dinner tonight, and some of the other one tomorrow.
The rest of whats left is going into the freezer. Will look forward to warm soup on the
long, cold winter days and nights that are coming soon.

Peeked at the scale today. Not very happy at all. I blame the fact that I didn't make
it to the gym much this week, and the eggnog I shared with my son. I believe that was
my downfall this week, that damn eggnog. And I'm sooo pissed about it because I don't
have the mindset yet to not do these stupid things. I didn't even think about what I was
doing at the time. I just drank it, like we always do. And then a little while later, that
little lite bulb went off in my head, and the voice said 'what the hell did you just do'?!?!
OMG!! Chugged water the rest of the evening after that, but still , the damage was done,
and I am Still pissed about it. Really need to work on being more mindful of what I
consume.

Still drinking lots of water. Still peeing like crazy. Just once, I would like to sleep through
the night, without having to get up to pee!

Hope everyone is having a great holiday with family and friends.
(Put the fork down!!)

Hope Santa was good to everyone!

~AL~

Moving On

Not a whole lot new going on to report.

Getting ready for the Christmas holiday. Been kinda busy with that.

I think I have joined a 'challenge'. I also think I received a badge for it in my e-mail, but I'm not sure how to get it from there to here. Still somewhat challenged with this whole blog set-up thing.

Have been on the fence about this 'challenge' for some time now, always chickening out about joining. Then I would decide to do it, and miss the deadline for entering. Then, I was given another chance, and jumped at it.

Why am I doing this now?? I suck, my life sucks, my blog sucks, and my weight loss efforts Really suck. I need help. And if there is only one thing on this list that can be fixed, I'll take it! I am hoping that will lead to the rest of the things getting better. I feel a more positive attitude these last few days. Still waiting to get some info as to what I should and shouldn't be doing though.

Still getting to the gym at least five days a week. Yay!! Had a training session again today. Feeling good from that as well. Kinda bummed though, found out that next week is my last work out with my trainer. Boy, those 12 weeks sure went by fast. He did mention maybe throwing in a free session after the holidays, just to check up on me. Yeah, I need that! And I will still be going to the gym every week after that, just as I do now. I am not making much progress at this, but I know that I would make none at all, or even back-slide the other way if I didn't go or even keep trying.

I am not a quitter! I won't give up!!

In case I don't get back at ya'll later this week, Happy Holidays to everyone!!

~AL~

ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!

So, unless you have been in a cave or a comma for the last two days, I'm sure you have all heard about the tragic hostage situation/shooting at the high school in Marinette, WI.

This is where I live. Usually a quite town, about an hour north of Green Bay. On the border of Upper Michigan. On the shore of beautiful Lake Michigan.

Yes, what happened was very tragic. No, it did not effect me personally at the time. It did effect a lot of my friends and neighbors, and their families.

The story has been on Good Morning America (and I'm sure all of the other morning shows), CNN, and even Inside Edition. I am also aware of an article in the New York Times. Like I said, Everyone must know about it.

What really pissed me off today, Two Days after the incident, while on my way to the gym this morning, I passed two mobile news crews. It's only about a mile and a half drive from my house to the gym. But, SERIOUSLY!!! Why are you all still here?!?!?!

Yes, it happened Monday. Yes, school was closed on Tuesday. NO, you don't need to still be here today, on Wednesday!!

You don't need to get the reactions from the children as they go back "for the first day after this horribly tragic event"!!

What you do need to do is get the fuck out of our town!!

Our community and mainly our children need to be allowed to move on from this. We need to put this behind us, so that the healing process can begin. We can't do that as long as you are all still here dragging it up!

Please, just go away!!

We need our own people of the community to be able to grieve, and heal and move on. We can't do that with all of the cameras on us, sending this all over the U.S.

We will do this for ourselves, with each other.

For the sake of our children, please go away and leave us alone!!!!!

Been.....Lost

So I've been a little lost for the last few weeks. Well, maybe not a little. More like A LOT. In the process of finding my way back, to everything.

First things first. Unfortunately, still no movement on the scale. Guess I should be happy that at least it hasn't moved up, but that's just not good enough. It needs to be going down.

Next, my daughter had her baby. A perfect, beautiful little girl. For those of you that are my "friends" on facebook, you can pop over to my page to see the pics of her that I put up there. I wont put any on here, because it just doesn't seem right to expose her to everyone in the world, basically, who can get to this. Seems kinda creepy. I also had my almost three year old grandson over for five days and nights while she was in the hospital, and then getting settled at home. Wow, what a handful he was. lol. He has always been at my house a lot, and has spent the night here, but I have never had him for that long, all by myself. It has been twenty years since I had a little one like that for that much time all at once. I really enjoyed having him here. Sure kept me on my toes. Was sad when he left, but yet really needed a break, and enjoyed the peace and quite after he left.

Have written many posts in the last couple of weeks. Have deleted all of them. Just can't seem to get out how I really feel. Been seeing the doctor many times in the last couple weeks also. I have decided not to go into detail here. Don't want pity or any thing else from anybody. Let's just say that they found that I have a condition. Been put on very strong meds. Had my dosages upped again yesterday. Will keep getting checked to monitor the progress, or lack of. Not sure which would be better at this point. The side effects of the meds are really kicking my ass. Have already been warned that the new meds for next week are gonna be pretty wicked also. I have been informed that one of the major side effects of the new one is weight gain. Oh, goody! Just what I need. Especially now! Nurse told me I "should just roll with it". I don't fucking think so!! Talked to the doc about that. He says I can continue my work outs, and doing what I'm doing. How ever, after our little talk, we (I) decided that that isn't good enough. Starting yesterday, I have pretty much doubled my routine at the gym. I have decided to get as healthy as I can to fight off this disease as best that I can. For as long as I can. I can't keep feeling sorry for myself, which I am pretty sure I have been doing lately. Thinking that's why I have been so off track and just lost. Really threw me for a loop though.

Also, I am drinking about a gallon of water everyday. I read (thank you Allen) that this will help. Consuming LOTS of liquid seems to be a large factor in all of this. I don't count the glass of milk that I have every morning, any diet soda that I occasionally have, or any liquid in any food that I eat toward that. That is simply a whole gallon (if not more) of plain water everyday. Plus, I am still weighing and measuring and counting EVERYTHING that I eat. I am trying very hard to stay positive and focused at this point. Crossing fingers and praying that this works. Feel like I have been peeing enough for ten people at this point. Hopefully I will start to feel better soon. Or at the very least, not feel any worse.

I think I am going to post this one now. Still doesn't feel 'right', but it seems better than the other ones that I have deleted so far.

Hope everyone is doing well.

~AL~

I HAVE Questions.....I DON'T HAVE Answers

Yesterday was weigh day.
Lost one lb this week.
Finally got to move my ticker again.
Almost forgot how, it's been so long.

I have been going to a nutritionist once a week for over a month now. She has been having me track everything I eat. Between her and my trainer, and me, of course, we cannot figure out why I have not been losing any weight. For the food I eat and the work outs I do, they even think I should have been losing some weight by now. And let me say, I have written down EVERYthing that goes into my mouth. A couple of weeks ago when I was sick, I even wrote down the cough drops I had. I wrote down the sugar free gum I chewed. I honestly write down everything. When she says "eat this and don't eat that" that's exactly what I do. And then I weigh and measure everything that I do eat. She says that part of my new lifestyle is right on track. So I was sent for blood work two weeks ago, to see if there was perhaps some underlying condition for my non-existent progress. So far they have found nothing. I have to go back again next week for more extensive testing. Oh, goody!

How-ever, this week is the last time that I get to meet with the nutritionist. For now, anyway. Her position at the clinic is only part time, and she took a full time job somewhere else. So far, they have not found a replacement for her. They said they would call to let me know when they have a new person, so I can resume my sessions. But in the meantime, I have no one. Kinda upset and worried about that.

I have checked around at other places to see if one is available. They do have some at other clinics, but then I would have to pay for it. (not in my budget at this time--between the gym membership and the trainer, things are getting kinda tight right now.) She was free for me at the clinic I go to through my dr setting it up for me. They have one at the local Y, but you have to be a member there for that. I chose the gym instead of the Y for many reasons. (not going to get into those now) Guess I will patiently wait for her to be replaced......

The good news is that both the trainer and the nutritionist think that I only need to lose about fifty lbs, not the seventy-five I was looking at. But I think I would still like to see the higher number. If I can ever get the scale to move, that is. Guess I'm not as fat as I thought I was. But still......

Having mixed thoughts about the next round of testing. Would be nice to know that there is something holding up my progress, but yet it would really suck to find out that there is something wrong with me. Not really liking this line of thinking.

Still not giving up. Meeting with the trainer again tomorrow. Can't wait for him to kick my ass. I been kickin me own ass all week. I really love my new work outs. I feel amazing! I look forward to going to the gym! How crazy is that?!

And still no new baby yet. Getting kinda tired of waiting. Should be soon though. I can't wait!

Have a good night, all.

~AL~

Been Very Busy!!!

Oh, my. I've been so very busy this past week.

Got to meet with my new trainer last week. Had an amazing workout. In fact, got my ass kicked by him again today! What an awesome workout. I'm lovin' it!! Have another appointment for next week as well. I can't wait! I am so excited! And now I know other things I can work on, on the days that I go by myself.

Weigh day still sucked this week. No movement at all on the scale, again!

Been really busy the past week with my youngest daughter. She is pregnant, and due on Halloween. Went to the doctor on Monday, and he says "any day now". So, I've been put on alert. Her husband works all kinds of goofy hours, so I will probably be the one she calls when "it's time". Plus, I will be taking care of her 2 1/2 year old while she is in the hospital. She has really been making me crazy lately. I think she is somewhat of a hypochondriac. We have been to the hospital twice in the last week, and as many times to the doctor. She also calls the clinic all the time. She is so worried that something will go wrong, she is just making herself sick with worry at this point. In fact, she just called me a little while ago, (at midnight! that's why I am up now, so I thought I would do this). I will be sooo glad when that child is here, and all of this is over. She has become my new shadow. She is afraid to be alone. The only time I get to myself is in the shower, or at the gym. Otherwise, she is always here. She comes over in the morning and sometimes, depending on her hubbies schedule, she doesn't go home. Oh, I'm Really needing a break!

I should get going now. It's almost one a.m. Need to get some rest before I get another phone call. Just wanted to do a weigh day update. Hopefully next time I will have a number to put on it.

~AL~

Just For The Record.....

I really want to clear the air and set the record straight about something that has been bothering me for about two weeks now.

I came across a blog recently that I totally enjoy reading. In fact, he is on the top of my list for the ones I check most frequently, and always keep reading. I don't like to mention names on here, but I'm not sure I can ease my mind without saying his name. I try to come up with the right words to convey exactly what I want to say, without offending any one. Because that is the Last thing I would want to do. This is NOT about offending or "calling out" this person, or anybody else.

I guess I just really feel the need to explain the name of my blog. I, by no means, am not trying to copy anyone, or be like anyone else. The day I decided to stop being a chicken, and finally start me own blog, I felt like it was do or die. If I didn't do it right when I decided to, I knew I wouldn't do it at all. I had a name all picked out, and started to set it up. Then I find out that the name I wanted was already being used. I must have tried over a dozen different ones, and all were already taken. I was getting frustrated because I just wanted to get started on here. So, I finally decided to go with a nick-name that people who know me call me. But, that is because those are actually my initials. For those of you that know me, you know that. For those of you who are reading this, and don't know me, now you know it too. AL stands for the initials of my first and last name.

I realize this has gotten entirely to wordy, but that's just me. I want to get my point across. I know that I am not anybody special or important out there in blog-land. I know that this person has seen my blog, and may or may not ever see it again. Either way is fine with me. I just wanted to set the record straight. I would rather have this person "have my back" then to be "called out" for a misunderstanding.

O k. I feel a little better now.
Thanks for listening.

~AL~

P.S.
If I knew how to change the name, I would. I can't figure that out, without starting a whole new one, and I'm not gonna do that. If I ever figure out if it is possible, then I will do it. I have never really like the name anyway.

Seriously.......WTF?!?!

Weigh day up-date:
Nothing.....AGAIN!

No loss\no gain\still the same.

I just don't get it.

What do I have to do?
Is two hours a day at the gym and workouts in the pool not enough?
Should I bust my nuts at the gym for 10 hrs a day like those people on that T V show?
And consume nothing but water all day?
Then will I lose some weight?
Twenty, maybe forty lbs a week?
It works for them, maybe I should try it. Something has got to give here!

I will hopefully be back later today. There is something I feel the need to talk about, although
it has nothing to do with my travels down this shitty road.

Heading to the gym now, for all the good it's not doing me.
Talk to ya again soon.

~AL~

Were Does The Time Go?

Wow, this week sure flew right by me. Can't believe it's already Friday.

I did extra work on Tuesday. Put my time in at the gym. Then spent another two hours working out at the pool. I knew Wednesday was going to be busy, and I probably wouldn't have time to get in any kind of work out. Good thing I did. Wednesday seemed to be one change of plans after another. Busy and busier. Got back to a normal workout on Thursday. And then again today. Feels good.

My son came home for a visit today. I am soooo happy right now. He only lives about two hours away, but he has such a busy schedule with work and all, we hardly get to see much of him. In fact, he is leaving already tomorrow afternoon. He wants to get laundry and stuff done at home before he goes back to work on Sunday. They have been short handed were he works, so he has been putting in a lot of overtime. He likes the extra money, but not the part were he only gets one day off every other week. Poor thing, he is exhausted. He works at a hospital. And since they never close, he is lucky to even get that one day off right now.

I have offered my motherly services to him. Like going to his house to do some cooking and cleaning and even laundry for him. He keeps saying "no, thank you". I just want him to be able to enjoy his free time. And he needs to prove that he can take care of himself. I get that. And I will cry tomorrow when he leaves, like I always do.

I plan on going to the gym again tomorrow. And maybe on Sunday, too. Don't want to give myself a "free day" I have heard so much about. My neighbor just told me this evening that it's not good to work out when you are sick. If I listened to that, I would have been at home in bed for the last month. I have this damn cold that is going around. In fact, it has been kicking my ass for the last four weeks now. Sweating it out Does Not seem to be working! Been taking the extra vitamins and doing everything else I can think of. Nothing is working. Hopefully it will just go away Soon!!

I can't wait for next Friday. (or, maybe I can. Not sure yet, lol). I have an appointment with a personal trainer at the gym. Kinda scared of what he will put me through, but excited to learn new things and the right way to do them. I know this will really help me, so it's all good.

Gonna get going for now. Don't want to sleep in too late tomorrow morning and miss spending any time with my son.

Have a great weekend, all.

~AL~

Same Sh*t, Different Day

Weigh day up-date: Nothing.

Zero lbs lost
Zero lbs gained
Stayed the same.....again!

Went to the gym again yesterday. Stayed twice as long as usual. Did twice as much as usual. Worked at least twice as hard as usual. So, what gives?? IDK. Certainly Not the scale.

Will be going back to the gym again this afternoon. Not sure why. It's not like its working for me or anything. But, like I have said, I have nothing better to do with my time right now, so why not.

Made a really good fresh fruit salad last night for dessert. Cut up strawberries, watermelon, fresh pineapple and grapes, and just mixed it all together. Had a small serving last night, and really enjoyed it very much. Will be having some again tonight before bed.

That's about all for now.
Hope everyone is having a good Monday.
Thanks for listening.

~AL~

Going Through The Motions

Still in a fugly place right now. Not really sure what's going on. Still don't really care.

Still trying to "do the right thing", although I'm not sure why.
Been to the gym 4 times this week. Still doing seven miles between the bike (usually 3 miles) and the treadmill (usually try for 4 miles). Spent lots of time with the weight machines as well. Still trying to make friends with the elliptical (?) machine. Hasn't worked yet. Saw someone tumble off of it a while back, and get pretty messed up. Those things are big, and kinda scary to me right now, although I would like to grow a pair soon and just get on the damn thing!

Spent time at the pool several days this week as well. Usually turns into about two hours when ever I go. I just love being in the water, and the time just flies by. Do lots of laps, (no, I don't keep count) and then water aerobics. Maybe I will come back as a dolphin in my next life.

Still drinking lots of water, and eating smaller, healthier meals.

Like I said, I'm not sure why I am still doing all of this. It is Not working. I have peeked at the scale, and it's not looking good. Looks like it might stay the same again, or even a small gain (as of now). WTF!?!?!

So I don't know how much longer I can keep pretending to care, or go through the motions. I have only been doing it again this week because I have nothing better to do with my time right now. My life is boring and pathetic. In fact, I don't have much of a life at all. I have wanted to post more often, but I truly have Nothing to say. I don't go out to buy new furniture. My children are all grown up and out on their own. I don't go out to lunch, or shopping with my friends. I got nothin.

I guess I will just keep doing this till something better comes along. And hopefully it will.....
Looking forward to Mondays weigh-in. NOT!!

~AL~

Feeling Tired ...Of EVERYTHING

Today was weigh day. I knew it was gonna come to this, and soon. The scale is not my friend today. No, it doesn't hate me, but we are not friends right now. No loss this week at all. :(
No gain, either. (which I am trying to tell myself is a good thing) Stayed the same.

Did I complain to much about only losing only one lb every week? Maybe. Was it just not enough for me? Could be. Now look what I got. A big fat Zero. Serve me right?? Justice?? Karma??
IDK!

I really am just not feeling this right now. Honestly, I haven't for a while. I do know that I need to be honest with myself, and admit that I am sooo tired of pretending to care. I just can't do it anymore.

The harder I try, the worse I feel. I am Not getting anywhere with this. Beginning to think it's not worth the effort. I do All the right things - everyday. And, no, I do not work out so much that I would be gaining muscle weight at this time. I already tried to use that as an excuse, but even I can't make that one fly. I force myself to drink nothing but water all day long, every day. I feel like a damn camel most of the time. I am truly beginning to hate water, but force myself to drink it anyway. Not to mention everything else I do on a daily basis. Nothing is working.

Am tired of pretending, and trying to fool myself, and anyone else, that I can do this. If I am offending anyone in any way, I'm sorry. I do this for myself, and I need to be completely honest for my own sake. This is really hard. And I'm not stupid. I knew it would be. Guess I'm just not as strong as I need to be, or have enough willpower to make this journey.

Very disappointed in myself, and Not liking myself very much right now.
Not sure how to fix this.
Not even sure I want to try.....

~AL~

Life Is A PRIZE!

Dear Friends,

Imagine that you had won the following prize in a contest:

Each morning your bank would deposit $86,400.00 in your private account for your use.

However, this prize has rules, just like any game has certain rules.

The first set of rules would be:

Everything that you didn't spend during each day would be taken away from you.

You may not simply transfer money into some other account.

You may only spend it.

Each morning upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another $86,400.00 for the day.

The second set of rules:

The bank can end the game without warning; at any time it can say, its over, the game is over!

It can close the account and you will not receive a new one.

What would you personally do?

You would buy anything and everything you wanted, right?

Not only for yourself, but for all the people you love, right?

Even for people you don't know, because you couldn't possibly spend it all on yourself, right?

You would try to spend every cent, and use it all, right?

ACTUALLY This GAME Is REALITY!

Each of us is in possession of such a magical bank. We just can't seem to see it.

The MAGICAL BANK Is TIME!

Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of life, and when we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is NOT credited to us.

What we haven't lived up that day is forever lost.

Yesterday is forever gone.

Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank can dissolve your account at any time.....Without Warning!

So, what will YOU do with your 86,400 seconds?

Those seconds are worth so much more than the same amount in dollars.

Think about that, and always think of this:

Enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker than you think.

So take care of yourself, be Happy, Love Deeply and Enjoy Life!

Here's wishing you a wonderfully beautiful day!

Start Spending!!

~AL~

Not Sure What's Going On.....

I have been reading my regular blogs for the past several days, and I gotta say, I really don't know what the heck is going on out in blogland. There seems to be an awful lot of hatefulness going on. And I have to say: I Don't like it! People leaving nasty, hateful, disrespecting comments all over the place. Most of them hiding behind being anonymous. That really bugs me. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!! I guess maybe that's why I have been reluctant to post anything these last few days, but then I thought how lucky I am to only have a few people (that I know of) that follow me. And then I thought about how I do this for only myself, and I still need to do it, no matter who is out there. So, here I am.

Monday was weigh day again. And once again, one more pound gone! Up to 7 now. YAY!! Still kinda bummed about the slooow progress here. I am really an instant-gratification kinda person, and this is starting to Not work for me! It is getting extremely discouraging to work sooo hard at everything all week and keep seeing only one lb every week. Other than not eating at all, and working out ten hrs a day, I don't know what else to try. I know, I know. Be patient. Good things come to those who wait. And all those other things. I really am trying to hang in there, but with this slow process, it sure isn't easy. Keeping my fingers crossed. Hoping next week will be better. I will Not give up! Failure is Not an option!!

Been super busy all week doing all kinds of crazy family stuff. Really hoping to find more time this week to get on here again. I really miss this when I don't get to do it. I need to make more time for this, because I Need to do this.

Have a healthy and happy rest of your week, friends!
:)

~AL~

Slow And Steady

I didn't get a chance to post on Monday, weigh-day, but I did weigh. I lost one more pound this week. Pleased with that, but yet feel like it should be more. O k, maybe not 'should' be more, but just wishful thinking that it 'would' or 'could' be more. I know, I know...don't look a gift horse in the mouth, and all that other crap. Really, I am Very thankful that it went down again. And also Very thankful that it didn't go up at all, or even stay the same. Actually, for me, even this amount of progress is Amazing!! And, yes, I know...if I want more, I have to give more. Try harder.....Still a work in progress. Every day is a challenge, sometimes--no--most times it is an all out battle. But I am determined to win the battles, and eventually win the whole damn war!

I noticed the other day that I have another "follower". That's Awesome! I'm up to four now. I know it isn't anything compared to how many a lot of other bloggers have, and that's perfectly fine with me. I don't do this for attention or anything else, I do this for ME. And so far it seems to be working, so I will be doing everything in my power to keep on keepin on. And I do want to say "Welcome" to All of you. Thank you for taking the time to "follow" me. It so warms my heart to know that even a few people care, and are there for support. Thank you all sooo much.

In the last few days, I have noticed many people I know already starting to worry about the upcoming holiday season, now that Labor day has past. They are making 'plans' as to 'what and what not' to do as far as food and exercise to navigate their way through from Thanksgiving to the New Year without gaining any weight back. WOW!! REALLY?!?! I mean, c'mon now! Don't get me wrong here. I do realize that this posses a challenge for most of us, but it's only....what...a five or six week span of time?! SERIOUSLY!!! What about the other FORTY SIX weeks in the year?!?! Truly, I am more concerned with the time between New Years and Thanksgiving!! I pray everyday that I am able to at least get this whole thing somewhat under control by holiday time, so that I do as little damage as possible to myself, and my self esteem in those few short weeks. I know it is easy to say it now, but I would like to believe that even if I stumble during that time, I still will be able to repair any damage done. I plan to stay on tract through it all. I know it wont be easy, but hopefully I wont beat myself up after for any wrong doings during. I know I will just have to work that much harder in January. And that's o k. Bring it on! lol

Been losing a lot of sleep over this whole water thing. I have been managing to drink plenty, but it seems to be getting me up Several times during the night to 'dispose' of the water. Even when I drink the majority of it early in the day. What's up with that? I don't know, but it's not gonna stop me from drinking all the water I can. Water is my friend now, and I Won't give it up now. Not for anything. But still, a Little more sleep would be good. Gotta work on getting the two (water and sleep) to get along.

That's about all for now.
Have a super rest of your week, friends.

~AL~